you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
