i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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