I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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