A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
