cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
