I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
