my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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