literally had 100 drinks last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
