Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
