Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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