I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize