Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
