I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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