Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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