i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
