Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
