My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
