didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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