Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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