My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
