where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
