when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
