like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
