I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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