well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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