Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
