The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
