For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
