i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
