just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
