I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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