He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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