Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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