I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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