we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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