Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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