I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
