We got so high we made milksteak
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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