You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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