Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
whose ass print is on the piano?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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