I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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