he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
