I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
