This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
