sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
