We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
