He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
