Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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