He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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