That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
