We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
