just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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