I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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