the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
