Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
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When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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