new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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