she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
