this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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