Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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