and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
