I can tuck mytits in my pants
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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