What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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