I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
