Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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