i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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