she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize