When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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