i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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