this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
