I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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