I hate your face
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
