Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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