Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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