he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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