Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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