Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
